Unlocking Your Life Via The Power of Questions

I used to feel completely stuck in my personal growth. No matter how much effort I put in, nothing seemed to change. I’d read the books, followed the advice, and tried to push through, but it always felt like I was spinning my wheels, not getting anywhere.

I figured if I could just try harder or find the right strategy, then everything would finally fall into place. But the harder I tried, the more frustrated I became. It felt like real growth was always just out of reach. At one point, I started to believe that maybe the problem was a fundamental flaw baked into me—that something about me was broken beyond repair.

But what I didn’t realize back then was that being broken wasn’t problem. It was the language I was using internally, without even realizing it.

Back then, I found myself constantly asking questions like, “Why me?” or “Why are they like this?” At the time, I didn’t really think of these questions as negative, but now I can see how much they were keeping me stuck.

When I asked, “Why is this happening to me?” it was as if I was reinforcing my own helplessness. I didn’t realize it at the time, but those questions put me in a reactive state, always waiting for something or someone else to change before I could feel better. And when I asked, “Why are they like this?” I was focusing on other people, as if their behaviour was the key to my own growth. It left me feeling powerless because I had no control over what anyone else did.

As you may well have guessed, those questions gave me no answers, only frustration.

For a long time, I didn’t see this. I was too caught up in my own head to notice the real problem. My brain, like many people's, was clinging to old patterns that felt familiar. It’s how humans are wired—our brains love safety, even if that safety keeps us stuck.

So even though I thought I was asking the right questions, in reality I was only reinforcing the same old story: that I was powerless and that growth was out of my hands.

As much as I'd like to say there was a big "lightbulb" moment where everything suddenly changed and I became aware of the error of my ways, the process was much slower (and less exciting) than that. In fact, I doubt I could pinpoint the exact moment things turned around If I tried. But I do know WHAT changed.

At some point, the questions I was asking myself took on a subtle shift. It may seem non-consequential at first, but Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” I began to ask, “What do I want instead?” And instead of asking, “Why are they like this?”, I asked, “What can I do differently in situations like this?”

Over time, those questions caused some significant transformation in how I interacted with myself and the world around me. I began to notice other areas where my internal questions were creating heavy or undesirable outcomes. I started to experiment and to take note of what questions made me feel powerful and which ones made be feel powerless. Which ones created a sense of 'woe is me' and which left me feeling a little more in control of my own journey.

Five Self-Coaching Questions

Here are five key questions that shifted my mindset and helped me create better outcomes for myself:

1. What is my end game? This question helped me focus on the bigger picture, reminding me to align my actions with my long-term goals, not just my immediate reactions.

2. What’s the story I’m telling myself? I realized I was often stuck in narratives rooted in fear or past experiences. This question helped me challenge those stories and open up to new perspectives.

3. Is this hard or am I making it hard? We all hold onto beliefs that don’t serve us anymore. This question helped me evaluate whether my mindset was working for me or keeping me stuck.

4. What’s one small step I can take right now? When I felt overwhelmed, focusing on one small, manageable action helped me move forward without getting stuck in indecision.

5. What do I need in this moment? This question helped me check in with myself and recognize what I really needed—whether it was rest, reassurance, or simply a moment to breathe. It helped me stay grounded in the process.

   
   

Of course, I had many more questions than just these, depending on the moment or circumstance. But the more I practiced asking empowering questions, the more I noticed I was no longer reacting on autopilot. Instead, I was making intentional decisions that aligned with the person I wanted to be.

If you feel down or stuck in self beat-up I encourage you to give these questions a try. They may give you the opportunity to pause, reflect, and choose a new outcome for yourself. Over time, those small shifts add up, I promise you.

To be clear: none of this is about toxic positivity.

Shifting focus from what isn't working to what you want to create gives you the power to change your circumstances. It isn't a 'be happy at all costs' situation, it's more of a 'I'm open to what else is possible' stance. Don't expect radical overnight transformation with this method, but do expect that every new question you ask yourself, you'll gain a little more insight. Some will work, some won't. Notice what give you a little more clarity, a little more confidence, and a lot more control over your life—and keep those ones close at hand.

The truth is, growth is not about "fixing" yourself—you were never broken. It’s about getting curious, choosing better questions, and slowly, intentionally, creating the kind of growth that feels right for you.

Sometimes, the only thing standing between you and the life you want is the question you haven’t asked yet.

xo

Coach Anna Lang

If you are struggling with internal self-talk that just isn't working, please reach out - I have a variety of programs and options available that may support you. Visit www.annalang.ca to check out the the self-guided course options & tools available.